Gollum's Kiss
by IluvJohnnyDepp
Summary: The door opens, Gollum is standing in the doorway in a pink hobbit suit. Gandalf whacks him in the head with a stick. Come on! It's a short story. You can't tell me you can't spare one minute of your time to read and review this story. Plz. R&R!
1. A Visitor

Gollum's Kiss  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. J.R.R. Tolkein owns all the characters.  
  
Frodo, Merry, Sam, and Gandalf were in Frodo's hobbit hole drinking a nice cup of tea.  
  
"It's good to be home." said Sam.  
  
"Oh, yeah." said Frodo. Gandalf was about to say something when there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Hel-" Merry stopped dead then jumped back and gave a yell.  
  
"What now?" asked Pippin. Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Gandalf got up and walked over to the door where Merry was.  
  
"What the hell is that?" asked Merry. Right in front of them stood Gollum. Right at the door still looking the same as he did last time when Frodo and Sam saw him. Only Gollum was wearing a pink hobbit suit and holding flowers in his hands.  
  
"Oh my God!" said Frodo.  
  
"Master," said Gollum, "Do you love us?" Sam made a barfing sound while putting a finger in his mouth.  
  
"Frodo," said Pippin, "You have bad taste in relationships. I feel sorry for you old man- I thought you and Sam were hitting on each other."  
  
"I'm not in a relashinship scrawny weirdo and Sam and I are just really good friends." protested Frodo. Mery gave a smirk like, 'Yeah right.'  
  
"Get away you nasty gay fellow!" said Sam to Gollum. Gollum looked hurt and depressed and started to cry.  
  
"That is the gayest thing I've ever seen." said Merry slowly.  
  
"Master, don't you love us?"  
  
"Are you joking with me?" asked Frodo. Gandalf was standing next to them all without saying a word. Gandalf lifted his stick and whacked Gollum on the head and quickly closed the door.  
  
"When did the gay man come in?" asked Gandalf.  
  
"I thought gay meant happy." siad Pippin.  
  
Gandalf gave him a look and muttered , "Stupid fool."  
  
Then while everyone was asleep, Gollum managed to sneak into Frodo's bedroom window. Gollum crept to Frodo's bedside Dracula style. He slowly closed on his prey. Gollum was getting closer and closer. Gollum became so close to Frodo's face and Gollum was ready….and then….then….he kissed Frodo. Frodo woke up from a dream and felt and saw Gollum kissing him. Frodo jumped and shouted, "what the-"  
  
"Master, don't you love us?"  
  
"No you slime ball!"  
  
"Master, it must be meant for us."  
  
"You sound like the people from Days of our Lives." (We don't know how Frodo got a T.V., nor why he watched Days of our Lives.)  
  
"Master and I are meant to be forever and ever."  
  
"Eeeew. Why don't you marry a fish. You resemble one." Gollum started crying.  
  
"I thought there was something between us." Frodo felt sick just looking at this. This is distorted he thought. Even disturbing.  
  
Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Gandalf were woken up by the sound of Gollum's pathetic sobbing. (We don't know why they were having a sleepover.) Sam got up and saw Gollum crying.  
  
"Shut your mouth." That made Gollum cry even harder.  
  
"Thanks a lot Sam." said Frodo, "I was trying to keep him from shooting snot all over my newly painted one of a kind walls with my pretty butterfly and bunny rabbit print. And look! Now he's messing up my pretty pink pony beadspread. Awww. I paid $200 for that pink cardigan." 


	2. The arguement and Man panties

Chapter2: The argument  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing that sounds familiar.  
  
A/N: All you who didn't like my story, I hate you, because I'm not sick and twisted, I wrote this story merely to make myself laugh, because I was bored. Now on with the story.  
  
So as we know Gollum gave frodo a little bit of his manliness. Now the hobbits and the old man (Gandalf) were deciding what to do with it.  
"We should just dump him in the sewer " said Pippin.  
"Yeah lets just dump him in the sewer!" said Sam hopefully.  
"No!!!!!!!!!!!!" protested Frodo.  
"Shut up Frodo! Stop being a wimp. Stop saving it's ungrateful life!" said Sam.  
"I have to be modest!" protested Frodo yet again.  
"Idiot" said Merry.  
Gandalf was to busy to think of the subject because he was thinking to much about himself, becoming such a powerful "WHITE WIZARD".  
"Oh master don't take us to the sewers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!" Gollum was crying at Lord Frodos feet.  
"So Gandalf what do you think?" asked Merry.  
"Hmm? Oh yes I do agree about taking over Rohan." Gandalf didn't even know what he was talking about.  
"So" began Pippin. They all turned around towards Gollum. Gollum was picking his nose at the time.  
"I swear " said Sam "Someday I'll shove his finger so far up his nose he won't be able to get it out." Gollum was to busy digging for gold to hear Sam.(I laugh continuously at this also snorting.  
"Maybe we should sell him as a slave." suggested Pippin.  
"Nah. He'd kill his owners in their sleep." said Sam." Gollum, how do feel about doing slave labor?" Gollum was still to busy digging for gold.  
"Well while we're thinking who's house should he stay at?" said Frodo.  
While they were talking Gollum had snuck into Frodos room and put on his tightie whities. They were still arguing when they heard singing in Frodos room.  
"Wait where's Gollum?" asked Merry. They went into Frodos room and found Gollum wearing Frodos underwear and dancing around singing "I'm wearing man panties! I'm wearing man panties!" "Gollum! What the hell are you doing?" said Frodo.  
"Wearing man panties ." "Well get out of them!" "Why? Don't you think they look sexy on us?" Frodo just shook his head. 


End file.
